It's great to see you!!
Another month has disappeared with stealth-like finesse. The Easter Bunny is lurking in the shadows, patiently waiting to deliver all that chocolaty goodness. Summer is fighting to stay a little longer, but the days are still getting shorter, the nights cooler. We're on the turn of the season.
I'm going to miss summer.
This month my writing group challenge topic was 'Pandora's Box'. I'd heard of myth, but wasn't sure of the details, so I Googled...
According to Wikipedia,
'Pandora's box is an artifact in Greek mythology, taken from the myth of Pandora's creation in Hesiod's Works and Days. The "box" was actually a large jar given to Pandora which contained all the evils of the world. Pandora opened the jar and all the evils flew out, leaving only Hope inside once she had closed it again.
In classical Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman on Earth. Zeus ordered Hephaestus to create her. So he did, using water and earth.The gods endowed her with many gifts: Athena clothed her, Aphrodite gave her beauty, Apollo gave her musical ability, and Hermes gave her speech.
According to Hesiod, when Prometheus stole fire from heaven, Zeus took vengeance by presenting Pandora to Prometheus' brother Epimetheus. Pandora opens a jar containing death and many other evils which were released into the world. She hastened to close the container, but the whole contents had escaped except for one thing that lay at the bottom – Elpis (usually translated "hope", though it could also mean "expectation")'.
Boy, did that get my mind turning... so many options... good and evil... struggle, anarchy, mayhem...
Sometimes, for me anyway, having a lot of different scenarios buzzing through my head makes it harder to lock onto one and run with it. I'm still struggling with finding my words, and to be absolutely honest with you, I've copped out on more than one occasion. It's much easier to find other things to do (even cleaning the toilet has held more appeal at times!) rather than force myself to sit down and get to work.
The writing group meeting date loomed closer. My thoughts, no less scrambled, didn't relent. My frustration continued to grown, and my usually easy found happy went into hiding. It seems even my happy wan't very happy with me.
I couldn't even blame it.
I wasn't very happy with me either.
The day before therapy - aka writing group - came, I became jaw-clenching annoyed with myself. I am not going to show up with nothing to offer. No. Not going to happen.
I checked my calendar and saw that I had a very important hairdressing appointment the following morning. A two hour period where I couldn't move... or clean the toilet. Hmmm...
So, armed with my trusty iPad, I went to my appointment the following morning. My hairdresser and I chatted for a bit, I got foiled up, tinted on (yes, I'm a natural blonde) and a cup of coffee made especially for me.
The timer was set: 30 minutes.
I had 30 minutes where I was left alone, save to be interrupted to ensure I was comfortable, with no excuses. I flipped the iPad cover over, touched the 'word' doc. for Apple app, drew a breath, closed my eyes and visualised. Not before long a sensation of confusion and disorder caused my skin to prickle. Wouldn't there be a flood of confusion, a flood of uncontrollable disorder and more if all the evil was let out into the world? Then I thought, what if its an internal struggle, a battle of will, instead of the more obvious external fight? What if it is a war within ones self...?
So here it is, my very short, but hopefully engaging March contribution.
Thank for dropping by.
I hope your day is wonderous.
A battle of love and hate
© Sandra Fitzgerald March 2016
I can't do this anymore.
I can’t survive the lows after the overwhelming highs. Lows that leave me singed with sadness and my skin itching with regret.
My mind is a chaotic mess of doubt and indecision, glued by obsession and petrifaction.
If I speak my mind, say what's in my heart, will you hear me? Will you listen? Or will you say the words that will break me?
You're going to break me.
You are, and you'll never understand how or why because in your world you're entitled. You're entitled to be happy in the way you choose happiness. You're entitled to want in the way you choose to want, have when you choose to have.
You set the rules.
You also change them.
You're the manipulator, the controller, the master… and you're good at it. The best.
I like that you are.
I'm horrified that you are.
I love that you take control. I love that you dominate me, are stronger than me… I love that I let you. Over and over, I let you… because I love… it.
And hate you.
I'm afraid of you. You have all the power, hold all the hearts.
You're going to break me.
I feel you drifting. The intensity increasing, the desperation crippling… you're leaving...
A tsunami builds in my stomach, a storm confuses my thoughts.
You're going to break me.
My heart, it aches… your drifting… it’s subtle, calculating, smooth… of course it is. You're smart, you know your prey. You know how to play the game better than me. And I let you.
I'm addicted to you and you're going to ruin me… and I'm going to let you.